Darren Carragher, Contributing Reporter
LONDON-- Rupert Murdoch appeared before the Commons Select Committee for the Department of Culture, Media and Sport, along with his son James, to testify about the recent phone hacking scandal by Murdoch's former newspaper, News of the World. While Murdoch sat before the committee, slowly dying of old age and hubris, an onlooker, reported to be English activist, Jonnie Marbles, rushed the media mogul and attempted to hit him with a shaving cream pie.
Luckily, Murdoch's wife, Wendi Deng Murdoch, an infamous look-alike of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon star Michell Yeoh, intervened to stop the attacker. Reports from witnesses say that Deng Murdoch flew through the air at least 30 feet in a single bound and landed a single drop kick to the attacker's face, instantly crushing Marbles' nose bone.
"Absolutely amazing, is all I have to say about that," said MP Louise Mensch."That woman has one hell of a left foot. You'd think that after years of living in the States, and having sex with a geriatric Australian she wouldn't have that spring left in her bounce, but clearly she's dedicated to both her husband's protection and public displays of Chinese martial arts."
Those closest to Murdoch say that he and the Chinese-born Deng married for many reasons, such as to ease entrance in to the Chinese media market, to appear more culturally diverse, and most of all for personal security.
"Rupert knew that although Wendi was an Ivy League educated woman she retained a profound respect and admiration for the martial arts of her native land. As a decrepit and frail man, despised by millions around the world, he knew that there would come a point when his life would be threatened," said a close confidant of Murdoch's who asked the Solicitor to remain unnamed.
Murdoch and Deng married in 1999, and they have two children together. Rupert's eldest two children, Prudence and Elisabeth Murdoch, both of which are older than Wendi Deng Murdoch, were never supportive of the marriage, but are thankful for Deng's martial prowess.
"She and my father may not have been married for the right reasons, but she did stand up for him admirably. She showed more spine than my little shit half-brother James," said Elisabeth Murdoch.
"In the end, I think some of the criticism [Wendi] has received is shameful. Is it fair to call her a gold digging temptress? No, I don't believe it is.
"Is it fair to call her a gold digging Chinese temptress who knows karate? Maybe. It's really for the public to decide."
