By Erin Davies
WASHINGTON, DC -- In a measure to ensure that law students accumulate the standard $200,000 in debt by the end of their first year, the federal government has started the Debt First Program. Debt First will force first year students to spend over $200,000 in lent money in a little under 12 months. Students are free to spend on housing, electronics, and anything else a person in their early 20’s can think of. Kim Peterson, a first year studying law at the University of Pittsburgh says she spent her loan in 2 weeks. “First I rented a helicopter, and then I flew it to New York. I paid two homeless guys to make out, and then I went to the Coach store and bought this awesome bag, but then I lost it when we bought out a subway car and threw a rave. It was awesome, I never knew I could accumulate that much debt so fast. It’s great!”
The government got the idea from innovative Las Vegas and Atlantic City casinos who have managed to create a more direct way to get players’ money without actually gambling. “What we’ve done is actually just put out a collection bucket so people don’t have to waste their time gambling. They can just give us the money up front and walk away,” said Arnold Comiskey, owner of the Sands Casino Holding Co. “Another thing we’ve done is we’ve allowed players to create a joint account with our casinos so that they can just transfer the money online before they even get to our casinos. It cuts out the middle man and the wait time.”
President Obama, a graduate of Harvard Law, said that it was agonizing that he had to wait 3 whole years to accumulate that much debt. “This program is going to cut down the time kids have to wait to be in debt. Debt is a very American thing, and we’re glad to help these students get it so quickly.”
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