GOP Presidential Hopefuls Announce Support For Gay Abortion

By Erin Davies, Contributing Reporter

WASHINGTON -- Republican Presidential hopefuls have gathered in the nation's capital to announce their support for expanded abortion rights for women. 

Last week, scientists at the University of California, Berkeley developed a sure-fire method to determine whether a fetus will be born a homosexual. Since the ground-breaking development, conservative celebrities such as Obnoxious Idiot Glenn Beck and Adolf Hitler Mel Gibson have publicly retracted their close-minded attitudes towards abortion and given full approval to a measure that would allow women to abort potential homosexual fetuses. 

"I think an open-minded attitude towards abortion is exactly what this country needs right now," said GOP presidential nominee Newt Gingrich (R). 

"I believe it should be the right of women to decide whether to bring a life into this world- especially if that life is against the teachings of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. If a woman is notified that her child will be born a homosexual, I believe it to be in the best interest of not only the woman but also the child to terminate the pregnancy immediately. 

"We've all heard how hard it is for parents to accept that their teenage children are gay, and now no one has to deal with that awkward moment."

The measure, which would allow women to abort a pregnancy as late as 8 months, has been branded as utero-genocide by many in the LBGTQ community. Charles St. Jean, a resident of Lower Manhattan, said candidly to the Solicitor that he and his life partner are deeply discouraged by the fact that there may not be any homosexual children to adopt in the near future.

Many prominent Democrats have voiced their opposition to the expanded abortion rights. Nevada Senator Harry Reid (D), told the Solicitor that although he at one time did support a woman's right to chose, that he was now very much "pro-life".

"I just don't think it's right to end a life before it ever gets an opportunity to play out. The fact is that no one knows what that child might end up becoming. 

"Sure you're child might be a homosexual, but women must remember the positives of that situation, such as the fact that they may grow up to vote Democrat."

Although most Republicans support the proposed abortion amendment, there are many more who see this as only the first step in many to an equal and just society under God. 

Former Vice President Dick Cheney (R) suggested on Monday that the 8 month pregnancy limit on gay abortion was ineffective and hindered the constitutional rights of parents.

"8 months of pregnancy, while a good time length for now, is too short a period for mothers to decide if they want gay children. I think we should push the time frame to something like 17 or 18 years, for those ladies who have a tough time making up their mind, like my wife did."